Home Again, Home Again

Friday felt very surreal. As I woke up, I realized it would be the last time I stepped out of my dorm room bed. I looked over at Ariana, my roommate, and realized I wouldn't be rooming with her anymore.

After getting over this initial sadness, Ariana went off to her class and I stayed behind to finish packing. Luckily, my class started an hour later on Friday so I had plenty of time to pack up my belongings. At 8:30, Ms. Neal texted to say she was downstairs and ready to take our bags. I did one final sweep of my side of the dorm room to make sure I hadn't forgotten anything and then closed the door for the last time.

Getting down the dorm stairs with my luggage was quite an adventure. Right away I decided that, rather than take two trips up and down the stairs, I would attempt to carry everything down at once. So there I was, at the top of the stairs, with my giant backpack, my computer bag, and my 45 pound suitcase, ready to go. About halfway down, after running over my feet with the suitcase several times, I began to regret this decision to carry everything down at once. Luckily, I made it down the stairs without any fatal injuries and met Ms. Neal and my other cohorts outside of Perkins Hall. With our luggage in Ms. Neal's van, we didn't have to worry about trying to move out later or carrying around a bunch of stuff. 

Elia and I had a nice breakfast at a cafe then walked over to our class. This final day of class was spent reflecting. Dean Almandrez had us write terms and skills that we had learned and I was surprised at the length of the list. Although I knew I had learned all those, I was still baffled that all this could be learned and digested in two weeks. 

Then, we did an activity where we sat in a circle and closed our eyes. Dean Almandrez would silently tap a few people to open their eyes and go to the middle of the circle. Next, Dean Almandrez read out statements such as: "Touch someone who has made you feel good about yourself." or "Touch someone who inspires you." and the people in the middle of the circle would go around and tap the people they thought rang true to the statement. Everyone had their turn to go up and tap people. I believe the point of this game was so you could anonymously recognize someone for something they did that impacted you. It's not always easy to go up to someone and say, "Hey, you made me feel good about myself" and this game allowed me to do that.

We spent our last portion of class sharing good memories from these past two weeks. It got really emotional and the things people were saying were really touching. We'd grown so close in the past two weeks, basically like sisters, and I could tell we were all sad to face the reality that we would no longer wake up and see each other every day. 

Women & Leadership class!

During lunch, my nerves about my Action Plan presentation skyrocketed. Luckily, Julia was there to assure me that everything would be fine and she even let me practice my presentation to her a few times. After lunch, all the students of the Leadership Institute gathered in an auditorium. The staff and teachers were able to say a few words and then we watched a slideshow of pictures from the week. And then, it was time to present.

The presentations were much less scary than I'd imagined. We all broke up into separate groups and went into separate classrooms. There were six students in my classroom (one of them from my Women and Leadership class) and four family members. With this group size, I felt like I could just talk directly do them, so I was able to loosen up while presenting. 

With a successful presentation behind me, I was able to relax and say my goodbyes. 

Dean Almandrez!

Heidi, one of my TAs!

Goodbye, Brown.

The first flight to Chicago was quick and easy. I sat next to Julia who made fun of my music the whole time but she was also listening to my music the whole time, so I suspect she was secretly enjoying the music. On the second flight I sat next to Crystal. We talked a lot for the first couple of hours then attempted to nap. Planes are probably the most uncomfortable places to sleep so I only fell asleep for ten minutes here and there.

Finally, our plane landed and we made our way to baggage claim where our families were waiting for us. Seeing my mom after three weeks away was so great and I'd missed her so much. We collected my bags, said goodbye to my cohorts, and made our way home.

Saving the Best for Last

I still had 45 minutes, all packed, showered, and ready to go, before I'd have to drop off my bags with Ms. Neal. I decided to spend my time wisely rehearsing my presentation. We shoved our bags in the van, and most of us left to eat breakfast, but Michelle had been having trouble with her backpack, so I ran up to her room to see what was going on. Her zipper was pretty messed up, and I didn't really do all that much to help, but I stayed to lend her some space in my bag and walked with her to turn in our keys (I felt like a cop turning in her badge and gun), get breakfast, and go to class once it was fixed so she wouldn't be alone. We ate at Starbucks, then went to class. 

Dean Almandrez had us write up a list of skills and vocabulary we learned in the course. I had already forgotten that so many of those words and concepts were new. 

Sania adding a tally mark to a skill (it means she didn't have it before the course)

The vocabulary that came to mind right away as something we learned here.
I wrote "hegemony" and "xenophobia."

Then we did an activity where we sat in a circle and everyone closed their eyes except four people in the middle. Throughout the activity, everyone would get a chance to stand in the middle. The four in the middle were instructed to "touch someone who..." and the statements were things like, "...you think is wise," "...you would trust with a secret," "...you expect to become a great leader," or "...made you laugh." The people in the middle could tap anyone they felt the statement applied to on the shoulder or on the knee. I was pleasantly surprised by how many times I was tapped by my classmates. I never thought that I had such a significant effect on the people in my class, but it was really nice to learn that. I wish that more groups did that activity, because it really boosts your confidence and makes you feel good about yourself. Then we raised hands to give feedback about how the class went, and after a few answers, most of the class was in tears (I admit it, I was one of them). The one time I spoke I could barely make it through a sentence. I was amazed at how much of a profound impact this one course could make. Pretty soon, it was almost time for lunch, so we started saying our goodbyes and taking pictures. I gave hugs to people who were strangers two weeks ago, and found myself shaking to think I wouldn't see them again. 

Then we had our last meeting for the Leadership Institute and the parents, but it was mostly a "look what your kids have been doing" meeting that I didn't learn very much from. We then checked a list of names divided up by room for the place we would be giving our presentation and the group we would be giving it to. This was nothing new to me; in debate tournaments, the competitors wait eagerly for "postings," a sheet of paper with a room number and your competition for the round listed in the order you'll perform. The only difference was that for this, we didn't have to go in the written order. I made my way to my room on the third floor of Sayles Hall, and found more of the same waiting for me. We would be giving our speeches to about fourteen people (as much as a later round in a debate tournament) in a classroom (in debate, we compete in classrooms). There was no need to worry. Anything that was different from my Speech and Debate tournaments was different in a good way. Normally, I'd be nervous about memorization, but in this case, I had my whole speech written out in front of me. I would worry that my competition was too good, but we weren't trying to win anything. My nerves were virtually gone. 

As a result, my speech went wonderfully. I looked up from my note cards as much as possible to make eye contact, and memorized the lines I had written that played more on the audience's emotions. I watched my peers' eyes widen when I gave some startling statistics about depression in older adults, and I noticed that for the rest of my speech, I had the attention of the room—in a good way. 

When the time for questions came around, I only had to answer one, but it wasn't really asking anything and was more of a suggestion. I probably wouldn't be able to pull it off unless my project was a huge success, but I had to respond appropriately, and I think I did well. I was very relaxed when I watched the rest of the people in my group give their presentations, and I was so glad to be in a group of such bright people with such big plans. After presentations were more goodbyes. I gave Dean Almandrez a hug before I left, and told her that she had taught me so much, and she responded meaningfully, "you too." We spent a few minutes giving phone numbers and Facebook names to everyone (I had two friend requests from people in my class before I even got on the plane). We had to hurry to turn in the keys of the members of my cohort who hadn't done it before, then headed off to the airport. 

Could you guess that I took
this picture in Chicago?

We saw Sania, one of my classmates in Women and Leadership, at the airport. We talked for a bit, but she had to leave to catch her flight. The first flight to Chicago didn't seem so long because I got to make fun of Sonya's taste in music (in her defense, it was on shuffle), but for the second flight, I'd either fall into a quick nap or stare at the seat in front of me thinking about seeing my family again. After an exhausted eternity on the plane, we landed, and soon enough, we were moving down an escalator towards our families. I ran to give my brother a hug, tears in my eyes, then embraced my mother and my father. I'd missed them all so much. We drove home, and I couldn't wait to sleep in my own bed. Finally...I was home.

It's Not Good-bye It's See You Later

This morning I woke up and I looked around the room which I had begun to call 'home' for the last two weeks. There was a battle raging on inside of my head accompanied by  mixed emotions swirling around throughout my heart. I am excited to return home and get back to my normal life, but on the other hand this has become my normal life. In a strange way I feel like I’m leaving a new house just when I started to get settled in. I finally know where I’m going in the mornings and I almost wish that I would have had a few more days here. I feel optimistic about my future and I plan on working harder than I ever  have  in my life.

Waiting with my friends until the last community meeting begins

This was the least challenging and most terrifying day of class that I've experienced thus far. Today we practiced presenting our Action Plans in front of the class and received feedback on what we could improve on. I think that my practice presentation went fairly well, but I hope that I look more prepared when I actually present tomorrow afternoon. 

After class, one of the last things that we were required to do was attend our last community meeting.

Listening to our Leader Fellows give their final speeches

The women who live on my floor, my RA, and I broke out into a separate group from the rest of the students in the Leadership Institute.

Good-bye Leader Fellows

We went around the table and shared some of the memories that we will take back home with us. I talked about the first time I met my roommate, Mandy, who is from China which made me question if our cultural differences would affect the way we interacted with one another. I honestly can say that she is one of the funniest people that I have ever met in my life and she is also sweet, energetic, and an all-around pleasure to be in the presence of.  I will miss Mandy especially since we lived together for such a large amount of time.

Life as I have come to know it will never be the same again. As I type the blog I can even feel a small lump in my throat, because this is a bittersweet ending to a long therapeutic journey. When I first arrived at Brown University I was excited, but really nervous to meet my classmates, because I thought that they would be judgmental rich kids who never had to work hard for anything. I was completely wrong and I got to see life from their prospective of always feeling guilty for having as much money as they do while their friends don’t. They were really nice and appreciated that they were fortunate enough to have a lot of money. I learned that I should open up to people more and give them the benefit of the doubt. I assume that people will treat me a certain way and I put up barriers to protect myself. However, the women that I have met here have been like sisters to me and we always tried to motivate one another when we were struggling. I know that I have learned more ways of effectively communicating with people when I feel a certain way and when I return to California I will be a better person.

One things that I wish that I would have done was explore the campus a bit more, because I feel like I could have made more friends and had more fun. I think that I was so consumed with trying to do my work that I cheated myself out of completely experiencing what it is like to be a college student. I wish that I would have done things differently, but I do not regret the reasons why sometimes I stayed in my dorm instead of going out. I will never stop being a hard worker, because it provides me with wonderful opportunities such as being a part of the Ivy League Connection. It is important to remember that if I did go out and party all the time that I would not be inside studying which means that I would not be able to maintain my high GPA.  I feel confident in stating that I found myself while I attended the Women and Leadership program. Before I attended the Women and Leadership program I noticed certain situations occurring in my community that I did not approve of, but I did not have the vocabulary that I’ve obtained while studying at Brown University to articulate my concerns effectively.

I am proud of myself for making it this far, because a few years ago I would have never imagined myself studying at Brown University. The fact that I was strong enough to get on a plane for the first time in my entire life and fly across the country is a testimony of my strength and ability to endure anything. The longest amount of time that I have ever been away from my family has been two days and I was only a couple of hours away. I really took a chance when I applied for the ILC and I am happy that I found people who believe that I am capable of achieving all of my life goals. I am thankful to Don, Mr. Ramsey, and Mrs. Kronenberg for giving me this opportunity.  I once read  “When opportunity knocks, some people answer the door ~ others just complain about the noise.”  I know that I can finally say that I am ready to rip the door off the hinges, because I am a fearless young woman with a lot of ambition who is willing to work hard in order to change my community and myself for the better. 

Practice Makes Perfect

Written on the Dorm Stairwell

Today was our last academic day at Brown. The feelings I have are bittersweet. I am so blessed to have been afforded the opportunity to come here, meet new people, and better myself and my community. I am bitter with the sadness of leaving brown, yet sweet with the lasting memories I have made. I new this day would come, but now that we are at the end, I'm not sure what to think. 

We practiced speeches today in class, in order to be prepared for our presentations tomorrow. We all signed up on a big list and went in order, saying our speeches, answering questions and getting feedback. I was 11th, almost dead middle. I would have rather gone earlier, but those spots filled up quickly. 

When it came time for my speech, I was a bit nervous. Everyone who had already gone was great at their speeches, so the pressure was on. I went up to the front of the room and surprisingly I was very nervous of myself. My topic is personal to my heart and sharing a story I have never publicly spoke of was difficult for me. I finished my speech without breaking down or becoming to emotional and I was happy for being able to share my thoughts. I didn't have a speech prepared beforehand; I wrote down my thoughts on a piece of notepaper quickly before I got up. I was pleasantly surprised when people said that they loved the emotions I showed and how connected they felt to me. I was also a little shocked when I realized my speech was only 2 minutes long, rather than 3 1/2 or 4 minutes long. I was glad to have gotten the feedback from my peers that I needed more details in my speech about my action plan itself. I also was glad to be able to practice my speech and get more comfortable with my information. 

We went to lunch after a few more presentations. At lunch, we met with the Yale cohort who had been touring Brown today. We took them to the dinning hall. It was strange to see people at the start of their journey whilst we are just approaching the end of ours. We talked to them about Brown courses, dorms, and the overall Brown experience. It was strange to me to see others so fresh in their experience and to see all the potential growth they will do in the weeks to come. I know for myself that this experience has molded me into a more confident and aware member of society. I feel more conscious of myself and others around me.

When we went back to class, we began again with the speeches. Everyone had a chance to present and get feedback from the group. Every person in this class is so unique and beautiful in their ideas, and it was such a great opportunity to be able to meet each of them. We all ended our speeches by saying how wonderful it was to be in the company of each other for these weeks. 

To end the class, we did some case studies; fictional events that resemble real life experiences we will face. We had to then come up with how we would react to the situation. My group's topic was a man asking us to sign a petition for a male empowerment and masculinity group. The question at first seemed like a flat no to me, but as I thought about it I wondered what the group would really be about. We decided that until we had asked more questions, like what is the purpose of the group we could not sign the petition. We thought maybe the group was set up to encourage the self esteem of boys who do not fit the male stereotypes. We did however understand it was called a male empowerment group which isn't possible because they are already in the dominant position. We decided that at the end of the day, we would have most likely not been morally able to agree to sign the petition. 

This activity was interesting because it showed me how all the things we have learned in class can be applied to situations of decision. We then said how difficult it was for all of us to make these tough decisions, and Dean Almandrez said it will never be easy, and there will be many battles, but practice makes perfect.

After class, I went back to the dorms and walked into my room. It was so strange, I knew I needed to pack up to go home, but it felt weird to be leaving. I packed my bags as best I could without packing away the things I still need. I remember the first time I walked into the dorms, yet I feel like a different person now.

The Last Leadership Meeting

I then went to the last leadership meeting. They talked about how to turn in keys, leave the dorms, and what to expect tomorrow. It was sad to see all the people I had made such deep connections with getting ready to leave.  I will be sad to leave Brown, but I hope to see it again sometime. Until then, Brown.

Until Then

Be Fierce!

I spent the majority of my day listening to my classmates give their practice presentations. Overall everyone did a fantastic job and will surely do well tomorrow. Although some Action Plans revolved around the same topic, they were unique in the ideas created to combat their issues. It was interesting to hear the passion and the ideas my classmates had for their individual topics.

 Although I have spoken numerous times to the entire class, I was extremely nervous before I gave my speech. In reality there was no reason to feel nervous because I have spoken to every student in my class. However, nerves will sometimes overpower logical instincts. As I began my speech, I was mindful about the volume of my voice because I wanted to be understood. My mouth became extremely dry, but I found myself incapable of swallowing. Fortunately I ignored the aridity of my mouth and I continued my speech. All in all I was satisfied with my performance. I was initially worried about answering questions but that ran quite smoothly.

When everyone was finished, Dean Almandrez gave us all a word of advice, “You must fake it until you become it.” She also encouraged us to be fierce and confident while we giving our speech tomorrow.  As long as you display a confident demeanor, others will not be able to decipher your true emotions.

Tomorrow my class will be divided into separate classrooms with other students in the Leadership Institute. On average there are usually a maximum of fifteen people in the audience per class.

I do not think my mind has registered that I am leaving Brown tomorrow. I still feel like I will continue my usual schedule tomorrow and the day after. The entire experience has been so invaluable and I never forget the memories and friends that I have made here at Brown.

I never thought I would be able to meet so many international students! I can recall the time when I believed knowing kids from a different school was something, but now I know students from all around the world. It was reassuring to know that I share similarities from these students, despite the numerous differences in our lives. 

I feel as if my Women and Leadership class were a training session that prepares students to become better leaders. I am a bit nervous about initiating my Action Plan, but I know I have everything I need to implement it.  

Today I attended the final meeting for the Leadership Institute, which discussed tomorrow’s schedule. I was also able to have one last discussion with the students who share the same residential advisor as me.

I am fortunate to be given this opportunity, and I am especially glad that other students will be able to experience this opportunity for years to come. Although not everyone will be able to experience this, I will definitely share the information I have learned here with my classmates and my community. It is amazing as to how helpful the Ivy League Connection has been throughout the entire process.  They have been willing to offer a helping hand in so many aspects. I always remind myself that if it were not for ILC, I would not be here.

Packing my bags 

Speaking Up - All Eyes On me

I woke nervous acknowledging the fact that I had to do practice presentation. Last night, I had prepared some parts of my presentation but I was not completely done with it. As I wanted some rest, I went to bed around 12:00 AM. I had set up alarm for 6:00 AM but ended up waking at 7:00 AM. I jumped right out of my bed and started writing my ideas for presentation. 

Sciences Library was closed so we went to get breakfast first and returned back to library to print out the essay. By the time, we got to class, everyone had already arrived and picked the order they wanted to do the presentation. The option I left was 24, the last one. 

Sonya started off the presentation and I must say it was great. She was very confident and her presentation was clear and straight to the point. Turn by turn, students gave their speech. All of my classmates did an outstanding job. After series of presentation, it was time for our lunch. On the way to lunch, I practiced my speech with Crystal. 

Since, Yale cohorts had come to Brown for tour we had opportunity to have our lunch together. All of us met at V-Dubb and got in the “long” line and got our food. We talked about Brown University, and program we are currently taking. For sometimes, I forgot my nervousness about practice presentation. Soon, it was time for us to head back to class. All of us took a group picture together outside the dinning common and waved goodbyes and headed our ways. 

Along the way, I kept re-reading my speech to make sure I did not forget anything. We were all back to class and our presentation resumed. Each of them presented so well and looked very passionate about their action plan. 

“Crystal. Shraddha on deck”, Dean Almandrez said. I tried my best to hold myself together and make myself ready for the presentation. Crystal was telling me she was tensed but when she went up to the stage, I saw a confident leader talking about her action plan. Everyone clapped and questioned here as well as gave her feedback. Faith, Suzanne and Ruchi glanced at me and smiled with thumbs up sign.

I introduced myself and started off with a sentence. I did make a small mistake while saying the sentence but instead of repeating the whole sentence, I went with it and I think no one noticed it. I started making eye contact with students in class and it was not very hard. Later, during the speech, I started talking somewhat faster. I know I could have done better but compared to last time, my public speaking was improved. My classmates gave me feedback on my presentation and all of the comments encouraged me. 

Dean left us early so I and other friends went to bookstore to take a quick look at things. I just finished packing most of my things and thoughts of leaving Brown University sadden me. On the first day, during the orientation, Dean Rose had told us that in these two weeks, you all will be making good friends and I thought that everyone must come from different backgrounds and why would they want to be friends with someone who is different from them. Now I realize, she was right and from the beginning I have met amazing people and they were opposite from what I had thought. 

I had my last dinner with Avery, Nina, Vera and Crystal. Yes, it did take about 30 minutes for my food to arrive but during that time, we had a chat about very random thing: class, life or school. None of would probably mind about how late the food came but we had community meeting at 8:00 PM so it was necessary to rush. These people are some of the best people I have met and I always feel comfortable around them. It was 7:55 PM when all of us headed outside to go to the meeting. Using Google map, we started “running” to the Barus and Holley building. The card was not working to open the door but in the right moment, one of the individual helped us. I know it sounds like we did not have a very good time but I think it was fun. Moments like this make memories for lifetime.

Love the Way You Cry

Today, we started class with a few announcements, then moved into our "dress rehearsal" for the Action Plan presentations tomorrow. I watched my classmates perform their speeches, all of which were either very rehearsed and polished or read off of a script. I had forgotten to print off my draft of my speech, so I was working with the same notes I had written when we practiced our speeches during the public speaking workshop. My classmates all sounded much better than they had when they did their presentations impromptu, but mine sounded much worse. I had gone in the second half of the speeches, and I had had all lunch to stew in my nerves.

The Yale group visited at lunch, and we got to talk to them about what the program was like, and what Brown University was like. It was kind of fun to act as a tour guide while we walked from the Watson building to the VW dining hall. At lunch, we answered questions about our class and asked them questions about theirs. I sat near Liam and Josh, who are both taking Grand Strategies, which sounds a lot more focused on academics than Women and Leadership. It was fun learning about their experience and telling them about ours. 

When we returned to class, I was the first to present. My speech started out fine, but it didn't stay that way. I learned almost immediately that trying to incorporate what I had written in the speech I forgot to print in the one I was performing to the class would make the speech much rougher, but I couldn't help but try to plug in facts, which just made me stutter and pause even more. By the time I started explaining my Action Plan, I was shaking so much that I dropped my notes. One of my classmates had done the same thing, and she wisely didn't try to pick them up, so I felt that I had to do the same. After that, my speech was filled with uncomfortable pauses and poorly structured sentences. About halfway through my explanation of my Action Plan as I had planned it in my written draft, I just gave up, because I knew it could only get worse from there. Since my paper was on the floor, though, I had no idea what my graceful closing line had been, so I made the horrible decision to end it with, "Um...bye."

By the time I started answering questions, my eyes were welled up from frustration. I had gathered myself enough to give intelligent answers, far more well-phrased than my speech, but once my classmates started giving feedback intended to comfort me, I just started crying. I tried to explain that this happened all the time, bursting into tears at the most inconvenient moments, and that my classmates should feel free to criticize me, but only a few were willing to give negative comments (which are actually the most helpful). It wasn't exactly a fun experience, but I learned the hard way that I should bring a water bottle and have my speech written out on note cards for tomorrow. 

Then we reviewed a few case studies in groups. My group had a situation where we had a club at school, and the funding for our club would be removed if we didn't attend a workshop on gender and making a safe space for the LGBTQ community. In the scenario, members of our club refused to attend the workshop because it was "un-Christian." There was much more to the situation we were given, but we got some interesting responses in the group, and we presented our solution to the class: having those members try the workshop and leave if they felt uncomfortable. Another group had a girl's sports team planning on fundraising with date auctions and a car wash with short-shorts and crop tops. The group presented a long list of great alternative ideas for fundraisers, including selling a calendar of action shots from the team. 

Then we had another community meeting about things like returning our keys and not forgetting to bring our garbage downstairs in the morning. I still have to pack up my stuff for tomorrow, but I'm looking forward to presentations. I can't do any worse than I did today, so I should have a great time. 

It feels strange. Thinking about how long I've been here, I might guess it was only a few days, but thinking about how much I've learned, I would guess it was months. I really miss everyone (family, friends, and my dog) and everything (the weather!) back home, and I can't wait to be home, but I don't want to leave. It's an odd tug-of-war between missing home and knowing I'll miss Brown. I only know that no matter what, I will return home knowing things about leadership and about myself that I doubt I would have found out so soon otherwise. This class is worth so much more than the effort we put in to get in to the program, and I know I'm very lucky to be here. I'm really excited for starting my Action Plan back home. I think it will work, and I know I'll have a lot of fun making it happen. To me, this class used to be about colleges, but now, it's about so much more.

And...Scene.

Well, this is it: my final blog post while I’m on the East Coast. As I sit here trying to write my last blog I seem to find myself with a lack of words. I can’t even begin to describe how much I’ve loved this experience and how I am feeling right now.

I’ll start with one simple emotion that I’m feeling: sadness. Three weeks ago, I believed that, by this time, I’d be ready to go home. Yes, I do miss my family, the neutral Bay Area weather, and my bathroom (you try sharing a bathroom with a floor full of girls). But the thought that I will never be able to take the Women and Leadership class with the same group of girls and the same instructor saddens me. While I will try my best to stay in touch with these girls, I know that it will be difficult to stay in touch with them all, seeing as we are all from different parts of the world. At first, two weeks didn’t seem like enough time to be able to bond but I can now say that, in just two short weeks, I have grown so close to all the people I’ve met here.

Me and Julia posing with my roommate, Ariana!

I just finished rereading my pre-departure blog and it seems like it was an entirely different person who wrote that blog. I can’t even recall writing it. In that blog, I wrote that I knew the Women and Leadership course would be challenging but incredibly rewarding. While this is very much true, it wasn’t the sort of challenge I was expecting. Before starting the course, I expected to have lots of readings and essays to complete every night. However, although we did do this, what was most challenging for me was figuring out who I was. This course taught me more about myself than I ever would have imagined it to and to Don I’d like to say: You were right. I feel so much more empowered now than I did when I was stepping on the plane three weeks ago. 

As for what my day was like today: Class time today was mostly spent on doing mock presentations in preparation for tomorrow. At lunch, the Yale cohort paid us a visit and both our cohorts were able to have lunch together. It was interesting to talk to the Yale group because they have only just begun their journey on the East Coast while ours is about to end. My afternoon was spent rehearsing my speech, packing my bags and hanging out with friends in my dorm. In the evening, I attended a closing workshop. After hearing departure details, we split into our RA groups. Sarah Day, my RA, had us each write down notes to people in our group on separate squares of paper. She will give us our notes from other people in an envelope tomorrow and we won’t get to open them until we get home. Then, we all spent time sharing funny or embarrassing stories from our trip and it was honestly so fun hanging out with these girls. I’m going to miss them so much! They’re like family now and I can’t believe I won’t get to live with them anymore. 

I'll miss opening this door to my dorm room every day.

I'll miss Sarah Day, my RA.

Spotted this little guy on my way to the workshop!

Although I’m sad that my time here is over, I know that this is just the beginning. I am confident that I can apply everything I’ve learned here (both inside and outside of class) to anything I want to pursue in the future. I feel as though this class has helped me clear the dust out of my eyes and see the world through clearer eyes. Dean Almandrez is such an inspiring women and I hope that, when I leave here, I can stay in contact with her. 

I feel so lucky to live in the area that the Ivy League Connection is based. Because of this experience, I want to do as much as I can to convince my peers to take advantage of opportunities such as the one that the Ivy League Connection has given me. Not only do I feel more confident in myself and my abilities as a leader, but I also feel more confident about my future. So, to everyone who has helped me along the way, thank you. 

It's Kind of a Bittersweet Feeling

Today we went through practice rounds of our Action Plans. It was really helpful to get a sense of how tomorrow is going to be, but without all the pressure.

Right before I did my speech, I was extremely nervous, thinking of everything that could go wrong. As I got up front to deliver my presentation, I focused on staying calm and all of the tips that Jennifer had given us last week. I made sure to keep good eye contact, which was hard because I had to keep looking down at my notes. I also made sure to keep a steady neutral position, as well as make sure my voice was loud and clear.

When I first stood in front of the class, I was nervous because I hadn't had time to practice my speech very much, and I was also nervous about the question section. Once I started talking, I found that it really wasn't that bad, because I knew what I wanted to say, and I knew that because my Action Plan is so important to me, I would do a good job.

Immediately after I did my Action Plan and sat down to listen to the next speaker, the realization that we're flying back home tomorrow really hit me. While I do miss the Bay Area and my friends and family, I am going to miss the Women and Leadership class so much. I have learned so much in only two weeks, and I am so grateful to have been able to experience this class. I still can't believe how fast these past two weeks have gone. Women and Leadership was definitely the best class I could have taken this summer.

On the very first day of class, I remember being so surprised at how interesting the students were. I was also so amazed at how passionate Dean Almandrez is about the subject she teaches. I am so lucky to have been able to take one of her classes, even if it was only for two weeks. Women and Leadership was definitely ten times better with Dean Almandrez as the teacher!

For lunch, we met with the Yale cohort at the V-Dub. I sat by Josh and Liam, who are in Grand Strategy. Their class sounds extremely difficult, but they are definitely up for it! Listening to Liam and Josh talk about their class made me interested in it, but I am still 100% positive that Women and Leadership was the best class I could have taken.

After lunch we finished the Action Plan presentations, and then did a short case study, where Dean Almandrez gave four groups a situation in which we had to make the best decision that would benefit all parties. My group's situation was that there was a "colored women's meeting," and in the morning session, only African American women were allowed to attend, but the afternoon session was open to the public. The student body wanted to open the entire session to the public. We decided to leave the morning session open only for African American women, but simultaneously hold a session for non colored women. The afternoon session would then be open to the public, where attendees from the previous sessions could come and share their thoughts while getting to hear the male perspective. It was interesting to see issues like the ones we have discussed in class get applied to a real-life situation.

On our way back to the dorms after class, we stopped at CVS to pick up note cards on which to write our Action Plan notes. Unfortunately, as I was buying mine, I accidentally left my phone by the self-checkout. I had walked all the way back to the dorms by the time I realized that I had forgotten my phone! Luckily a CVS employee had picked it up for me, which I was relieved about. I got so lucky!

After I ran to go pick up my phone, I began packing for our flight tomorrow (it sounds so weird to say that our flight is tomorrow). I had already packed all of my clothing and thought that I had an immense amount of room left, until I realized that I still had to pack my sheets and blanket. I guess I might have to do some rearranging in my suitcase...

Packing.

It's still so hard to fathom that we've been here for a full two weeks already. Going home will be a bittersweet feeling. There are so many things that I miss back at home, yet so many things I will miss here at Brown.

Bittersweet is really the best way to describe how I am feeling right now. "It's kind of bittersweet. The human spirit is not measured by the size of the act, but by the size of the heart," Yakov Smirnoff once said. I think this quote illustrates how many of us are feeling at the moment. I think what matters is that we implement our Action Plans, because I know how much we each care about them. If we do this, I think just the act of fulfilling our Action Plans will bring us closer together, even if we're far apart.

It Is Not How You Start It Is How You Finish

I woke up feeling rejuvenated and ready to start my day. I got breakfast from the V Dub and went to class. 

As I got to class we began by doing a scavenger hunt activity where we had to find the items on the list and take a picture with at least three of our members at the location. We also had to ask a few questions to random civilians and get a picture of those who answered them correctly.

Dean Almandrez told us that she expected us to play fair and with integrity which meant that we had to acquire all of the leadership skills that we had learned in order to not be disqualified. I knew that everyone in my class would play fair, so I wasn’t too worried about the possibility of someone cheating or ganging up on one specific team.

I immediately took control and throughout this entire program I have come to the realization that I can be too controlling. I expect things to go my way and I have certain routines that I like to adhere to. I feel like this is something that is a work in progress and I need to work on incorporating the ideas of my teammates more often. I noticed that some of my teammates were walking too slowly for my standards and I told them to hurry up, but then I stopped and thought about how Faith has a condition where she gets tired really easily. I felt bad that I might have been pushing her too hard and asked her to sit down to regain her composure. My team and I ended up letting Faith rest for a moment and tried to find her some water to drink. She was becoming increasing famished and dehydrated which frightened me a bit. We ended up walking back to class and came in last place, but we came in first place for caring about each other’s well-being over winning. I learned that it’s not how you start it’s how you finish and I am proud of myself for my growth that I demonstrated today. In the past, before I got to this program, I would have gotten frustrated with Faith instead of trying to help her.

As we returned to class we started our next activity where we had to rate the characters in a story from least awful to the most awful. I disagreed with my group, because I felt like they were fitting into the stereotype of being overly critical of other women when they blamed the woman in the story for most of the misfortunes. I actually saw the big picture, but as you know majority rules. At the end of the exercise Dean Almandrez informed us that Abigail, the girl in the story, was actually the victim and most of the characters in the story mistreated in some way. I felt validated by her comments and I was also mad that we, as women, could not identify with another woman.

If a woman gets assaulted it is always her fault for walking out of her house dressed provocatively and should have taken self-defense classes. However, we never question why a man abused her in the first place.

There was a story on the news where a woman actually went to jail for shooting warning shots in the air to warn her abusive husband to stay away from her. Not once did the police ever question why her husband was abusing her in the first place.

The fact that makes this reality so disgraceful is that most of the people who blame women are other women. The sisterhood between women has become so crippled and fragile while men are committed to helping one another. I hope that by following through with my action plan I can mend the relationship that women share with the same-sex.

Here is the story below:

There lived a woman named Abigail who was in love with a man named Gregory. Gregory lived on the shore of a river. Abigail lived on the opposite shore of the same river. The river that separated the two lovers was teeming with dangerous alligators. Abigail wanted to cross the river to be with Gregory. Unfortunately, the bridge had been washed out by a heavy flood the previous week. So she went to ask Sinbad, a riverboat captain, to take her across. He said he would be glad to if she would consent to go to bed with him prior to the voyage. She promptly refused and went to a friend named Ivan to explain her plight. Ivan did not want to get involved at all in the situation. Abigail felt her only alternative was to accept Sinbad’s terms. Sinbad fulfilled his promise to Abigail and delivered her into the arms of Gregory. When Abigail told Gregory about her amorous escapade in order to cross the river, Gregory cast her aside with disdain. Heartsick and rejected, Abigail turned to Slug with her tale of woe. Slug, feeling compassion for Abigail, sought out Gregory and beat him brutally. Abigail was overjoyed at the sight of Gregory getting his due. As the sun set on the horizon, people heard Abigail laughing at Gregory.

Here is the truth: As it turns out Sinbad is Abigail's estranged husband, Lee is her mother, Ivan is her brother, and Gregory is her father. When you first read this story you perceive Abigail to be an unfaithful woman who lacks integrity. 

After this exercise we played a card game that entailed playing by your assigned rules. However, we didn’t think about the fact that if all of the teams had different rules then when we rotated we wouldn’t know the rules of the next game. I should inform you that we were not allowed to verbally communicate with one another, so we looked like a class filled of mimes. This lesson was supposed to teach us how detrimental communication is to the success of a group and how without it you can end being confused beyond comprehension.

After the class activity we were allowed to leave early in order to work on our action plans. I was grateful for the extra hour, because I needed to do a lot of work on my action plan and practice my practice presentation for tomorrow. I will have to present in front of my class first tomorrow and I hope that I can exude the most amount of confidence to my ability.